i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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