Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
