So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
