I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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