i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
