He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize