My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
