It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
