We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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