I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
