I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
