i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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