uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
