i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
