I think i peed on brittanys purse
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
