I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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