My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
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When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
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we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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