my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
