I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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