Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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