And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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