It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
