one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
