p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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