The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
