At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize