Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
