I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
