She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
