I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
