im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dicks are not precious.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
