i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
