dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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