It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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