I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
