I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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