We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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