i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize