peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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