this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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