He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
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I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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