i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
