It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
