I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
