Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
