she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
