Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i need an iv and a liver transplant
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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