I'm drive I can fine osifer
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
