I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize