I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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