theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Watching her eat just hurts me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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