Will you blow on my dice?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
