I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
