if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I had to cum in my sink.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
