I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
