It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
