I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
