So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We have so much sex to catch up on
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
