Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
