I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
