btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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